What Kevin Really Needs

One of the joys (pitfalls?) of the internet is searching for something, finding a completely different article that catches your interest, clicking on it to read, then seeing another unrelated article which you also click on and read, and so on, and so on, until eighteen clicks later, you are so far down the hyperlink chain you can't remember what you were looking for in the first place, but you sure found some cool stuff along the way!

It was during one of these rabbit hunts that I came across this cool little internet game that I just had to try out. Kudos to whoever thought it up in the first place. Basically, bring up Google and search for "{your first name} needs". Be sure to type the quotes in the search string as well. Then list the first ten matches that you find for some amusing insight. Here's what I got when I typed in "Kevin needs":

1. Kevin needs a picture -- I'm so tired of waiting (see #7)
2. Kevin needs his friends to constantly tell him he's the best -- I didn't realize I was so insecure
3. Kevin needs expert witnesses -- I sense litigation in my future
4. Kevin needs to get a real job -- Hmmm. Perhaps #6 is pointing the way
5. Kevin needs a director -- Yes! They are finally filming my screenplay!!
6. Kevin needs to get pimp lessons from Big C -- Yeah, that Big C is da master!
7. Kevin needs sleep on Flickr -- perhaps I'll post your picture from #1
8. Kevin needs a jail cell or counseling -- I guess that's why I also need #3
9. Kevin needs a vacation -- ah, finally some true wisdom!
10. Kevin needs help -- perhaps the truest insight of the lot :)

Next week, we find out what "Kevin loves", and what "Kevin was killed by".

Hard Crash

I had two crashes this past week - one physical and one mental. The physical was my synthesizer, which suddenly decided to hang when I saved a newly added patch for one of my rock band songs. After waiting for over ten minutes in a locked state, I was forced to do a power cycle, and was greeted with the cheery message "User sequences corrupt. Must reset." Yes, all my 60+ patches and sequences had been lost. And of course, there was no backup. Nothing is more frustrating than having to redo a ton of lost work.

My second crash was caused by an recent email. No, not a computer virus. Rather, unexpected words from a friend that have been causing me to re-evaluate parts of my life, my motives, and my actions. I expect this introspection to be an ongoing process over the next few months. It is not a pleasant task. In perspective, keying in all my synth patches again doesn't seem as bad now.

"Ants Marching"

All the little ants are marching
Red and black antennae waving
-- Dave Matthews Band

I arrived back home after a week working at the annual PVAC (Performing and Visual Arts Camp) for youth, only to find hundreds of small invaders in my kitchen. Yes, the intense summer heat had forced entire colonies of Tapinoma sessile into my home. Those who know me well, know that I can stand just about any type of creature in my house, but ants do not fall into that category. Noah must have had great restraint to resist the urge to simply squash the happy ant couple on his boat when he had the chance. Anyway, even though I could have gone for the quick fix with a blast of Raid, I realized I needed a more permanent solution. So sometime tomorrow, the local exterminator will be arriving to lay the smackdown on the multiple colonies that have taken up residence within these hallowed walls. I've been told that repeat visits will be required to assure their doom. Thinking on this today, I reflected on how this parallels the journey to remove unwanted habits in one's life. Many times, we yearn for the "quick fix". However, the truth of the matter is that constant diligence is required, perhaps over an entire lifetime, to keep the enemy from regaining a foothold. And like my ants, just as soon as one is squashed, another can appear shortly thereafter. I guess even this bit of unpleasantness can be used to teach an object lesson.

May all your summers be ant-free.